Attempting to Live for Them

"I'm not crazy. My reality is just different than yours."



Still alive.

I’m still alive, everybody!

Things have been going…well..umm…I don’t know. I’ve been very up and down in moods. No highs, just low and lower. I can’t seem to get out of this depression. It’s like being stuck in a ditch in a very small car, just can’t get out of it.

I’m still burned out with my job. That will probably never change.

What’s new with you?


Just an update.

I know I haven’t written in a while, which wasn’t my intention starting this. I wanted to write regularly about various things going on in my world, but I have been lacking. Though I know no one really reads this. I’m more or less throwing my words into a bottomless put here, but it’s still nice to write and get stuff out there.

The noise is still there. THEY still are very much part of my existence, but not so much anymore that I am almost in tears. The medicine quiets them to a tolerable level, and I can function much better than I could before. The visual hallucinations are still there, but I know how to look beyond them now. Ignore them as if they are part if the background.

Home life is still chaotic. Still struggling to keep it together as a mother, but I am doing the best I can. Most days I look at them and wonder why the higher powers that be even thought I could raise kids. I still wouldn’t trade them for the world though.

I am burned out with work. It’s a day in, day out cycle that I want to cease just for a few days to let me a have a breather. I need to start using my vacation time, and there’s no better time than now, right? I like my job. It’s well worth having. I wouldn’t quit. I just need a break.

I plan to start working out regularly. I definitely need to lose weight. I know my weight is causing a lot of my pains, and it could be the source of some other issues I’ve been having.

That’s what’s going on with me lately.


I love the cool, crisp weather Autumn brings. I love the color change, even though it represents the start of death, but the beginning of this is beautiful.

I don’t enjoy the craze of pumpkin spice that seems to flood the market as soon as the first day of Fall is upon us. It makes zero sense. It’s become so ridiculous, this that should’ve never been pumpkin spiced are, in fact, flavored that way. Ugh.

Either way, cozy sweaters can come out. Comfortable weather begins. You can break out the wonderful hot tea and coffees (at least I don’t drink hot tea or coffee in the warmer months) that tantalize the senses. Boots are more comfortable to wear, whether fuzzy or otherwise. Blankets and cuddling are welcome, if that’s your thing.

It’s just a gorgeous season that you can drive for hours at the slowest speed on the scenic route for hours without a care in the world. You can’t really do that at any other time. Spring brings allergies and rain (usually); Summer burns everything off (normally), and it’s way too hot; and Winter…pfft, just forget it. There’s nothing better than Autumn! 

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