I feel like a prisoner in my own home. My husband is a controlling, emotionally/verbally abusive human being with no real filter or reapect in day-to-day life either. I don’t call him a man because my definition of a “man” doesn’t treat anyone the way he treats me, the kids, or anyone around him (or within earshot).
As I’ve previously written about, I don’t get respect or even the basic of care in this relationship (if you can call it that because you definitely cannot call it a marriage). I don’t get any mental stimulation. I’m constantly talked over, to the point where I don’t discuss things with him anymore. He is just a brute with no real care for anyone else.
The voices in my head despise him. They make threats upon his life constantly, and when he talks, they screech louder and scream at him and yell at me for even being with him. When he makes backhanded comments, I don’t care what happens to him because I’m a firm believer in karma.
Any deep caring feelings for him have waned, so I’m more or less going through the motions in this life with him. If I have to be stuck with him, and walk on eggshells, why try any harder than I have to? I get nothing out of it…or him.
He’ll tell people all day long that he loves me, but in reality, he loves the idea of me…and he loves even more that I do EVERYTHING for him. He is a lazy lump. Yes, I said it! He does practically nothing. Stays at home, but he is in no way a homemaker, more of a home avoider. If it’s work within the house, it will most likely be overlooked.
I hate admitting all of this, but I am exhausted. I am exhausted of all of this. Between my shattered mind and the constant struggle through life, I don’t want to tolerate his bullshit anymore.