I tried to act like a functioning member of the family today because [come on] who else is going to care for the smallest nugget of the house? It was very nice out today, and all I could do was listen to the sound of the leaves rustle in the wind from the open window as I stared blankly out of it…when I had some spare moments. The senseless control I’m under in this house is like a prison, maybe even worse. At least most prisoners get yard time.

I’ve never mentioned that the husband was controlling for no reason. Or maybe he does have a reason that he’s holding onto, though he has said he let go of it. I cheated a couple of years ago, and he’s afraid I’m off to find someone better iN whatever I do. Let’s face it, I could find someone better if given the chance, but I don’t deserve it and know I’ll never get it. Anyway, he makes it very hard to enjoy a day or a moment, if I find something to enjoy (which is rare), and I hate confrontation; so as not to get into an argument, I just go about my lonely, boring life.

Such a sad life I lead. Voices controlling my mind. A husband controlling my reality. I don’t get a break!