Some part of me feels like I’m just looking in at my own life. I am stuck with the voices in my head. Much worse than depression and anger and belittling comments. It’s all too much most days. I more or less just try not to lash out or yell because of everything in my head. As people speak, the voices tell me to do things or talk over them like a talkative child would or want me to say things that I would never say to someone else out loud.
How have I dealt with this for so many years? How have I not gone insane? Harmed myself or someone else? How have I been able to appear sane all of these years?
No one close to me needs to know, so I don’t really have anyone to discuss this with. My husband thinks that I am blowing things out of proportion and that I’ll be fine. My mom worries. Yes, I go to the doctor, and they are quite helpful; but they aren’t qualified to help me out mentally and figure out how to cope better because I’m slowly crumbling. It’s getting much worse as I progress.
I try talking it out in short in various ways, but that is only a small glimpse of what I go through. I mean, as I’m typing this, I have to constantly delete sentences or words because I, myself, have not typed them. Sigh.